Outcome #1

Outcome #1

My revision process while writing the second essay during this class consisted of taking note of the peer review comments, rereading the essay, and analyzing the main ideas of each paragraph individually. Comparing my first draft of the essay to the final draft of my second significant writing project, I believe that I made significant improvements. Specifically, I believe I improved the ideas of the essay and polished the ideas of each paragraph into something more clear and easier to understand. By making the ideas of the paragraphs clearer, I also made the essay flow and have better transitions between paragraphs. Something that was important to me during my revisions was making sure that my paragraphs were organized thematically rather than by the resources I was citing in that paragraph. For example, instead of writing one paragraph about Turkle followed by one about Konnikova, when I was revising I made sure that my paragraphs were centered around ideas and themes. 

A big part of the transition from my first draft of my Project #2 essay to the final draft was expansion and writing new paragraphs with new ideas. Because it was a draft, I did not include all the ideas I had for the essay, so the final draft was an opportunity to incorporate those ideas as well as expand on the ideas I already had from the draft. Something that I noticed in the comments left by my peers was that I needed to expand on some of the ideas and analysis after I use a quote. That was something that I focussed on as well during my revision process. Making sure that all my ideas were fully explained and flushed out. All of this can be seen in the two documents below; my first and final draft of the second essay.

First Draft


Final Draft