Skyler:

Likes:

• I like the confused feeling of the first few paragraphs. It makes it easy to imagine and understand what the main character is going through. It also sets the tone of the story right away.
• I like the dialogue between the two characters in this. It feels believable and also moves the plot forward. I specifically liked what you did on page 7, line 4.

Suggestions/Questions:

• What is this mission the astronauts are on?
• What happened on Earth?
• Who is Percy? What is his backstory?

Kenzi:

Likes:

• I like the comedic elements; I was laughing while reading. Specifically page 2, line 20.
• Your idea is very fun, this is a story I would like to be a part of.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I thought the story was very fast-paced. Not to say this is a bad thing because the story works, just something I noticed when reading.
• I thought there was an opportunity to make Sunny older, or more of a role model/inspiration for Q

Lizzie:

Likes:

• I liked your description throughout the story. Specifically, I liked what you wrote describing traffic on page 1, line 7.
• The world you have built here interests me a lot. It is definitely a setting that I would like to continue reading and learning more about.

Questions/Suggestions:

• Where/when exactly is this happening?
• What happened to the humans of this world?

Brady:

Likes:

• I liked how you connected emotions with the powers of the character. Page 2, paragraph 3 stuck out to me.
• I enjoyed the conversation between Kyle and Oliver on page 4. It felt like a real conversation and was easy to read and relate to.
• The way you portrayed the emotions of going on a date through both of the characters’ perspectives

Suggestions/Questions:

• I was hoping for some more insight into how Oliver and Isaac got together when I was reading this.
• Including the date itself towards the end of the story
• Take advantage of the demi-god powers more often

Sophie:

Likes:

• Your description throughout the whole story is great. It is super easy to picture everything that is happening throughout the story.
• The connection between jumping off a bridge and leaving for college.
• I liked your description and the way that the first paragraph of page 4 was written. Especially line 1.
• I liked how this whole story takes place in just a few minutes

Suggestions/Questions:

• Why is it so hard for her to jump? Is there a specific moment from her past that is causing her to freeze up?
• The use of storm could be included earlier to set the scene and time frame.

Jenna:

Likes:

• I liked your decision to tell this story from two different perspectives. Especially how you described the same situation playing out from the perspective of two varying points of view.
• The varying emotions of a traumatic experience were described very well. It made the whole situation more realistic.
• The hesitation for the male to be vulnerable.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I would like to explore the male character more. Some of the reasoning behind his actions and maybe some history about him that makes him uncomfortable being vulnerable.
• History of the two character’s relationship with each other

Mackie:

Likes:

• The internal dialogue within Flo. Specifically page 4, paragraph 3. All of her thoughts and emotions were clear and relatable.
• The dialogue between the two main characters. You moved the story forward while also giving us context and background to the situation.
• I was really glad that you explored Lincoln and his personal struggles from his perspective.

Suggestions/Questions:

• Give us more Lincoln/Angela. Maybe something from Angela’s perspective or intel into what she is thinking.
• Why does Lincoln choose Flo?
• Explore more of Flo’s feelings of having Lincoln leave someone for her

Bridget:

Likes:

• I like the “myth” feel that this has. It feels like an origin story explaining some process of the Earth.
• The description is really well done. Even though I don’t know exactly what is happening, I can still picture it. Specifically the last paragraph on page 2.
• I liked Hamish and his introduction on page 5.
• The story itself was just nice and heartwarming to read, even though the ending is sad.

Suggestions/Questions:

• What happened to the moon and sun when they turned into humans?
• When does this take place? Where?
• How do they return to the sky?

Kit:

Likes:

• I liked how you formatted the first paragraph on page 1. It felt symbolic of the way the character was thinking.
• The themes of a child’s fear of a parent’s disapproval. I liked how the last paragraph of page 2 was written.
• The relationship with her mom that we learned about throughout the story.
• The flashback to the playground and the inspiration for the character.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I’d like to see what happens when the mom comes home.
• Has the character gotten in trouble relating to the ants already before? Is she on thin ice with her mother regarding the ants?

Cammy:

Likes:

• I liked the constant bickering between the two, making it a very believable couple that is struggling to stay together.
• The parallels between the dangers and chaos of the wilderness and the chaos of the couple’s marriage.
• You wrote the mystery and tension in this very well. I was wondering what was going to happen next which made me want to keep reading.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I was wondering what the deal was with the animals in this story. They provided great suspense and tension, but it was confusing if they were supernatural or not.
• Expand on your supernatural elements or leave them out entirely to focus on the relationship. Either could work in my opinion.
• How will Ryan save Jen?

Gracie:

Likes:

• I loved your description in the opening paragraph. It was very detailed and easy to read.
• I was a fan of the dual-perspective choice that let us learn about both characters.
• The parallels between the character’s emotions and the ocean were clear and very clever. I enjoyed reading and realizing that.
• I liked the backstory and reasoning that you gave for her being at the ocean.

Questions/Suggestions:

• It might be beneficial to add some more detail or context about the mom and dad in the story. Or maybe their relationship with each other.
• There is potential to add how her dad’s health is affecting her.

Alexa:

Likes:

• The interaction between the couple in the car. It was very emotional and felt like a real conversation.
• The development of the relationship throughout the story.
• The emotions of the characters were written very well.

Suggestions/Questions:

• How long has she been sick?
• Why do we open in the bar? Maybe include the wife in the opening scene.

Alex:

Likes:

• I loved the description and detail put into every scene.
• The transitions between flashbacks and the story we were following was done well.
• The conversation on page 7.
• The internal thoughts the mother was having, especially when she was comparing herself to other moms.

Suggestions/Questions:

• How does the mother imagine the dragon before her kids tell her about it?
• Some of the scene skips can be hard to follow continuity-wise. The one where the kids end up in bed specifically.

Teresa:

Likes:

• The tension built throughout the first scene. Specifically when the car comes around the corner and causes our main character to act irrationally.
• The slow realization of what she did and her panic.
• I like where you end it currently, I’m very interested to see where this goes.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I would try to space out some of the exposition that you write around page 3.
• Some of the reactions/actions of the characters seem hard to believe. Specifically burying him alive. It might be better if the man dies right away from the crash and she then has to deal with those consequences.
• I think if the mom wasn’t her biological mother their relationship would make more sense/be more impactful for the story.

Mia:

Likes:

• The way you describe and teach us about the kitchen environment. You show instead of tell here.
• The description of Trevor’s jealousy/envy of the other guys in the kitchen.
• The kitchen setting works well for this story.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I was hoping Jack would speak more or we would learn more about his backstory.
• The inclusion of the cigarette detail seems like it needs to be flushed out more or given more meaning earlier on in the story.
• What is Trev feeling at the end of the story?

Jordyn Story 2:

Likes:

• I like how you waited to reveal why she is in the house until a little later in the story. I was worried and scared for her up until that point and it kept me reading to see where it was going to go next.
• I enjoyed what you wrote on Pg. 9 in the paragraph that starts with “I nodded again…” The emotional elements here and the rest of the story are very impactful. Along with the mother’s impact on Maisie.
• Your connection between the storm and Maisie at the end is a nice way to wrap up the story and bring both elements together.

Suggestions/Questions:

• How does Maisie suddenly feel so comfortable being around Jasper? Even if Jasper is a really nice and genuine guy, it is hard to immediately accept that she would be ready to sit next to and be comforted by a stranger especially since she was worried for her safety earlier.
• It’s hard to tell where the story is heading right away. It could be helpful to start the story with Maisie worrying about her mother or how she might be in trouble because of her crash to set up that aspect right away.

Kenzie Story 2:

Likes:

• All of the emotions and emotional conversations are written and described well.
• I like that you chose to keep the timeframe of the story short. Focussing on just one night relays to the reader that this night is very important to the character’s relationship.
• The feeling of needing/relying on one person that you create through your writing. You describe what it feels like to love someone well in this context.

Suggestions/Questions:

• Are these two characters dating? It is a little unclear, I assume that they are, but it may also not matter if they are or aren’t for the story to still work and be impactful.
• It might leave a bigger impact on the reader if you end the story on that same night under the stars instead of the airport scene. That night and conversation are what the main character will remember most about June, so the reader could have that as their last memory as well.
• An alternate option for an opening could be the reveal that June can’t come back next semester. This immediately builds intrigue and you can then go into the conversation and backstory from there.

Sophie Story 2:

Likes:

• I really liked the backstory of the character’s that you give us throughout the story. Helps the story come together nicely.
• The feelings of guilt because of the accident that you describe are really well written.
• I also liked the “why wasn’t it me” attitude that you wrote into the main character, it seems very likely this is the attitude someone in this situation would have.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I got lost sometimes while reading due to the frequent scene shifts throughout the story.
• Why are her parents referred to as Mr. and Mrs. at different times? This took me out of the story while reading, but is not a huge issue if at all.

Skyler Story 2:

Likes:

• There is great intrigue about what this relationship actually is.
• I like how you evolve their relationship through the trauma they go through.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I was confused about the nature of their relationship. Do they want to be friends?
• What is the point of the fire? I was taken out of the story at first because it seemed out of place.
• The setting/time period could be made clearer.
• Hone in on a more consistent tone.

Lizzie Story 2:

Likes:

• The description of them going through the heist and completing their plan.
• The loving relationship the two have and the description you use.

Suggestions/Questions:

• I’d like to see the scene of the ruby being stolen
• Some more backstory of their relationship would be nice. How did they start their life of crime?

Brady Story 2:

Likes:

• I was very interested/hooked in the first few pages. There were many fun questions that I wanted answers for.
• You do a good job mixing in background details important to the story. Specifically on page 5.

Suggestions/Questions:

• We got pretty deep into the story without knowing what was really going on. Shortening up some of the beginning or some rearrangement could be helpful.
• What’s the deal with the parents in this story?

Jenna Story 2:

Likes:

• I am a fan of the clear UNE influence on this story. This made it fun to read.
• The journaling was a very nice touch and showed off the personality of the character very well.

Suggestions/Questions:

• The scene where Harrison makes a perfect guess about her life is not very believable unless some context is given as to how he was able to do that.
• Everything that happens in the story and the ultimate outcome seems a bit too easy/simple. More contrast/conflict is needed.
• Harrison at first says he does not have friends yet later we are introduced to many of his friends.

Izzy Story 2:

Likes:

• I really liked Liam’s letter, you wrote that very well.
• I like that we know he is not alive from the start of the story. It was a good hook to lead with.

Suggestions/Questions:

• There is a lot of exposition at the beginning that is overwhelming, if this could be trimmed down that would help the reader digest everything.
• Focus on one moment/feeling for longer rather than jumping around quickly.
• Introduce the letters earlier in the story.
• Show more emotion from the character after she reads the final letter.

Mackie Story 2:

Likes:

• I really liked the last paragraph on page 4.
• I like the introduction of Delilah, their interactions with each other are heartwarming.
• Barrie’s reaction after the death was written well.
• The description of life in a hospital, especially as a kid, was written very well and you made it easy to imagine and picture what that life is like.

Suggestions/Questions:

• Would they really prefer the hospital over a normal life? That took me out of the story briefly.
• I wish we got to spend more time exploring Delilah as a character.

Cammy Story 2:

Likes:

• I like how her frantic way of talking aligns with her emotions.
• The lead-in to Peyton’s arrival.

Suggestions/Questions:

• There are a lot of people introduced which makes it hard to keep up with the story.
• The two of them going straight to arguing when they meet doesn’t feel earned in the context of the story. Their conversation should start out slower.
• I don’t completely follow the ending. If it was in her head that could be made more clear. Could just be me.

Bridget Story 2:

Likes:

• I liked your description of the dance and the first sight of Violet.
• Your description of them when they are older and Violet doesn’t remember Billy is very well done.
• I like the idea of them having always been connected.

Suggestions/Questions:

• It was unclear to me that the girl wasn’t Edith at first and was actually Violet.
• Why have Edith included at all? He could go to the party alone at first before meeting Violet.
• What’s the setting of everything? Military vibes.

Alexa Story 2:

Likes:

• I liked/laughed at the description of the dad and his death.
• I enjoyed how you wrote about a writer as your main character.
• “I can’t write if I don’t complete the journey,” was a line that stood out to me.
• Quite an unexpected twist; both the reveal of the girl and the final scene/ending.

Suggestions/Questions:

• What is the context of the opening scene?
• The scene between the two talking should be longer and more drawn out. I wanted more from that conversation although I liked what we did get a lot.

Cole Story 2:

Likes:

• I like that we focus on Will, instead of Jamie, it was a nice change of pace. I was expecting to focus on the girl with cancer and be sad.
• The description of when the girl switched seats during the movie. You captured the mind of the boy well in this scene.
• The meta situation going that is revealed at the end was very fun.

Suggestions/Questions:

• Why does he act sort of cold to her at first? I thought he would be happily surprised.
• Going to the Halloween party and adding more characters didn’t really fit the story for me.
• Why was there a truck ramming the building?
• Why was Jamie upset?

Gracie Story 2:

Likes:

• I like how you have the music speak for them in the story.
• The confusion the main character has about her relationships and why some work and others don’t. This felt very realistic.

Suggestions/Questions:

• Can we see the breakup happen?
• The relationship with her friend seems to move fast. Not in terms of the characters but for the reader we skip through their relationship throughout the summer quickly.
• I would like it if you spent more time exploring Asher and maybe even Noah as characters.

Teresa Story 2:

Likes:

• This whole story I thought of as ‘sweet.’ It was very heartwarming and fun to read and be with these characters.
• The relationship building was done nicely, I like the conversation the two had when they first met at the club.

Suggestions/Questions:

• It takes a few pages to get to the heart of the story. Maybe rearrange the beginning to cut right to the main relationship.
• Small thing but your character said he might be developing a crush after it had been over a month of seeing this girl. That seemed like a long time for that to happen and he would have had a crush for a long time at that point.

Mia Story 2:

Likes:

• I liked the backstory of their first meeting in college. That was written well and I was glad you included that.
• I really like your line describing the family: “He had a pack of vultures for relatives.”
• The connection between your main character not liking alcohol to her father that was revealed subtlely.
• Her emotions during their fight, specifically her laughing in his face.

Suggestions/Questions:

• The ending is a bit on the nose in terms of her coming to the realization when watching TV. I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing but maybe you could expand her realization or emotions in this moment.
• Revealing new information towards the very end of the story. Could set up earlier.

Alex:

Likes:

• I liked how you started with us in the action when Reyes has one bullet left and then rewind us back to before the start of the fight.
• Learning about the backstory and lore of the SHADOW program in the FBI.
• The entire fight scene and the interwoven backstory of Reyes and Penny.

Suggestions/Questions:

• What does Penny think of Reyes job?
• Why doesn’t she have more ammo on her?
• Who gave her the ring?
• Why are the men attacking Reyes in the first place? How did they find her?